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Monday, November 30, 2009

Epiphany

24th November 2009

I will give some time for this sepia-toned waking up to end. Winter is colder than I can bear. It is true what they say, never underestimate the weather. It can bite you hard before you know it.

But life is short, and I need more than waking up courageous to make decisions. I can't walk on frosty veneer with the great of grace when I struggle to even find the right shoe. The right shoe, the one defined by people around me, has dragged me this far believing that it could not be anything else.

The roads are slippery, I know. Most of the lot do not want me to kill the grace; slip and fumble, the lot I greatly dear. And another would find amusement in the murder, nothing much anyone could do.

I have chosen my own shoe. Hunches and voices should tell me it is hard for anyone I love could digest. The hearts were stabbed and crushed, and they bleed silently. I had to do it, for mine has long lost and I want it back.

I don't think I have to pick myself up, because I am descending to ascend, not slipping and be sent.

Nothing will ever be the same again, I try not to think much about. Walking on in silence; each of us deep in thought. That is uncomfortable, but I need to hold tight.

Dream, passion is a state of mind. People raised the glass of their success of defacing their dreams and passion trying to make me feel inadequate unless I live their dream. From all available surface, things look too good to be true and I've never allowed to answer back.

I have failed to see how standing on top gracefully could be satisfying when I actually wanted to sit down calmly, to do things I have always wanted to do.

I could tell my children that daddy had given it a go. But nothing could daddy do when it was not daddy's dream anymore.

Daddy was young and stupid, and daddy was old and wise.

Apple over orange, a turnaround. The decision is both hard and easy. But life is not just about climbing up the ladder people erected for me. I have dragged the man long enough, and it is time to set him free.

People either love me or hate me, or they don't really care and it is easy to stand up anonymously.

Today, I have decided to finally put a face to a name, and a name to a face. I know when the time comes to leave, I just have to walk away quietly and don't make any fuss.

So I officially quit doing medicine today for a simple and complicated reason - I have a dream and I want it back.

posted by Izham Ismail at 6:46 pm

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13 Comments:

At 30 November, 2009 22:52, Anonymous

im right at ur back bro. good luck. chase ur dream bro
At 01 December, 2009 00:06, njahmat

This comment has been removed by the author.
At 01 December, 2009 00:09, njahmat

for the times we talked about chasing dreams, i am most proud of the decision you're making.

know that no matter what path you end up carving, you're built to thrive, izham.

now go get that dream you deserve!

oh, and do I get my friend back now?=)
At 01 December, 2009 00:27, aa

what ever u do, even if it is hard people around u to believe, i know u can do it. i know u long enough and i know u are capable of doing anything. good luck man and i am so proud of u.

ure in my prayer.
At 01 December, 2009 01:00, rj.zyra

Always destined for greatness, inshaAllah. You got one heck of a support system, hands down ;) All the best.
At 01 December, 2009 02:38, jannah sharif

jap
ni tipu ke betul ni?
seriously?
At 01 December, 2009 10:55, anisizatyA.J

well, u can come to my clinic, and faree punya jugak haha.

ok, sorry. erm, whatever it is that you do, me and faree will always be ready for future sessions of all-nighter ramblings.

all the best :)
At 01 December, 2009 17:36, Anonymous

I don't know you but my friends do and they are talking about you and your story. Funny thing is you don't know them too! I have to say that you are one brave and courageous guy to have made the decision to do what you want to do and not doing what others want you to do. I wish I have your courage to deal with my life. It is true what rj.zyra said above, you have one hell of a support system.

idk you but i am proud of you.
At 02 December, 2009 06:20, Anonymous

we'll support u bro..
no matter wat ur decision
no matter where u r..
no matter what u do..
we'll be at ur back, always
At 03 December, 2009 13:23, Anonymous

Heard the news from Erare couple of days ago. I respect you for your courage to make such critical decision and come to term with yourself. Nonetheless, I do hope you have discussed this decision with your parents, as their blessings is absolutely vital for you to be successful in all your future endeavours.
At 04 December, 2009 10:48, linazul

dude.salute k!haha.
i dun have the courage n guts nor the money to pay mara back if im to quit medic now.like u juz did.
i have my dreams,juz like u, but the difference is that, i chose to pursue other's dream instead, n forget bout mine.
u really r something la am!haha.
good luck anyway!:D
At 05 December, 2009 11:02, Anonymous

Good luck bro. Go for it.
Sincerely this is from me even if we might have a little misunderstanding back in old times.

All the best.
At 06 December, 2009 02:31, Anonymous

"I have dragged the man long enough, and it is time to set him free."

I've learnt from it. Sometimes, the best decision is not the best for everyone. But someone has to sacrifice. We have chose our path, let's just pray so God will lead us to the right journey.

Insya Allah.

*Kak Sherry*